My sister and niece flew home to Atlanta today. Vacation is o-v-e-r and work beckons. The respite from my divorce story has ended. Back to worrying and wondering and dreading what the future will bring. A return to endlessly spinning around in my mind the question of what to do about our home.
I went to an open house in my parents' town this weekend. A split level house, not my favorite style. In fact, I've always said I'd never live in one but divorce changes your perspective. I questioned whether or not I should bring the kids to look at the house. Would it be too much for them to handle? Then I decided that this is their life too so I asked them if they wanted to go and they yelled 'yes!'
The kids liked the house and seemed excited about it. Then my son said he would only move if he could be homeschooled because he does not want to go to a new school. <sigh> It's funny how I was more worried about my emotional daughter coping with the idea of a move and instead it's my son who is having a harder time. I know lots of kids move but this is just so damn stressful. A few weeks ago I had myself convinced that we should just stay in our home. Now I'm thinking that we should try to sell and see if we get any offers. Then, based on what that brings, I can explore my options.
Ugh, I need another vacation. I'm tired of once again living in the real world. Please bring back the vacation-hazed faux reality, I really enjoyed that. The thought of listing our house, worrying about getting an offer, finding a new house, telling my kids they will be changing schools, packing up and moving and then settling into a new community seems like enough to break a person. Or if not break you, seriously fuck you up for a while. I hope I'm clear headed enough to make a decision about all of this. I'm almost tempted to say fuck everything and follow my sister to Atlanta. Houses are cheaper there and it's miles away from the painful memories in this state. Kids, are you up for an adventure? Let's get a u-Haul and move cross country. Because finding a job in this economy will be a breeze, I'm sure. <said in my most sarcastic voice>
FML. I saw that acronym online a while ago. I had to google it, never heard of it before. Now it's my motto for my life.
I just had to google it but as I typed it, it suddenly came to me in a flash and the search results confirmed it. Lol.
ReplyDeleteStill think u should stay put while u can milk the twunt for all he's worth but also understand how good a fresh start with no ties to the twunt would b great.
FTxx
FML works for everything. You didn't get the parking spot that you were aiming for because some asshole got it first. FML. You stepped in a mud puddle. FML. My husband slept with a whore. FML.
ReplyDeleteI go back and forth with what I want. I think in my heart of hearts I want to stay where I am but I'm so afraid to end up losing the house to foreclosure if I can't pay the bills. FML. :)
Thanks for reading and writing. I appreciate your words.
What a blessing for you to be rid of someone who disrespected you and your kids so terribly - how lovely that he is someone else's problem now. You'll know the right move to make - and your kids will rally behind you because they intrinsically know you are in charge and have the power to make things right. Maybe you don't feel peace yet with any house plans because the right idea hasn't presented itself yet...Or maybe you are getting an answer you can't hear because it is not what you are expecting? Whatever you decide to do, you will be adapt and be okay. Stay strong, Kay, you have a warrior inside you that will do whatever it takes to make a great life for yourself and your children. Women are infinitely strong at their core - able to bend and not break. You will not break - Nope, you will show your son and your daughter what a life lived with dignity looks like and that it is possible to find joy in any circumstance because you have each other.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your inspiring words! Maybe you are right, maybe the right idea hasn't come along on the house front yet and that's why I'm struggling so much.
DeleteThank you for reading and writing. Your words meant a lot to me today.