Fuck everybody and the horse they rode in on.... Ever have one of those days, months, lives where you just want to have that as a recorded message and play it to anyone/everyone who talks to you? And I'm not even PMSing! Wow, I am in a horrible mood. And I should be over the moon since cheater asshat is one state away from me and I don't have to worry about seeing him and his cheater mobile around town. I'm sick of everything... and not in a poor me, why has this happened kind of way. I'm just fed up with E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.NG. I can't even read divorce blogs. Blah, blah, blah, my husband left me, whine, whine, whine. I should be sympathetic right? I should be more caring. But this week, I don't give a shit. AT ALL. I am likely going straight to hell and this week just confirms that.
One of my friends invited the kids and I over to supper tonight. Oh, that'll be fun, said the extrovert that pretends to be me sometimes. Then my friend informed me a few hours before supper that she also invited another couple over so that the other couple's son and my son can play and oh, so her husband can have a friend there as well. Hmmm, she needs to invite another couple over because I don't have a spouse any more? Because I don't have a significant other? As appealing as it sounds to be a fifth wheel to two couples who I'm sure will sit arm and arm around the dinner table, I tried to beg off and say that I'm not sure I'm up for a couples night when I'm NOT PART OF A COUPLE ANYMORE. She said, it's not a couple's night, it's just so all the boys have someone to play with. (Boys being the husbands as well as the six-year olds of course.)
I should be happy that I have friends who want to hang with me, I should be happy that I'm not a social outcast, but instead I'm annoyed. I guess my feelings aren't valid. And then as I write this I get sick of myself and I hear blah, blah, blah. Feelings, schmeelings....You have this friend who is willing to feed you and your two kids for the evening and remember, you HATE to cook. You should be grateful and thrilled that you won't have to burn those grilled cheese sandwiches and can partake in someone else's cooking for the night. You should be happy your kids don't have to suffer through your less than stellar culinary skills.
So here's where I kick myself in the ass and say get the fuck over yourself. I'll go to the supper and I'll sing kum-ba-yah around the campfire with the other couples who will look adoringly into each others' eyes and whisper "I love you" as they gulp back their microbrews. And I'll clasp my rum and diet coke with my non-wedding ring clad hand and I'll whisper "Stop making farting sounds" to my children as they climb all over me.
I'm sure tomorrow I'll reflect on the evening and say I had a perfectly lovely time but today, I go into it with my sorry-ass attitude intact.
oh no! That is a hard type of mood to deal with when something sets these feelings off! I hope your dinner wound up being ok -
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good article called "The Wha Wha Meltdown."
http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2013/06/the-working-too-hard-wha-wha-meltdown-2/
I have read and reread it many times when I've felt the type of mood you are feeling.
I hope your next post is about having a surprisingly good night with your friends, but if it isn't and you need to say it sucked and people still suck today, then that is ok too.
I can SO relate to your post. I had so many of those days, going through my divorce. I loved that my friends invited me places but there were times when I wanted to say "eff it" and stay home and relax away from humanity and then I'd get that call from my cousin-in-law. I usually did it for kids (so they could hang out with their cousins) and heck, having someone else cook wasn't all bad, either. I tried to enjoy myself while I was there, but the whole time I was thinking to myself, "I can't wait to get home and play some Farmville..." That kept me motivated and with a smile on my face, while I tried to pretend that it didn't bother me to see the other couples smooching and making smoopy noises at each other.
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