Trying To Live In The Moment

Divorce is teaching me one thing. Actually it's beating me over the head constantly. Live in the moment. Don't plan too much for the future, just get through the day. Before Army Boy dropped the bomb that exploded my life, I was a constant planner, a to do-er. I amused myself by making list upon lists of projects and things I wanted to accomplish. 

These days I make lists but they are of what I want to get done that day. 'Find new car insurance.' My current car insurance company recently informed me that our policies will not be renewed after they expire. Uh, excuse me, what the fuck?! Evidently me hitting the deer and filing the claim was the last straw. Army Boy had claims in 2011 and 2012. I can't even recall the 2011 one but the 2012 one was for a parking lot post that jumped out behind him. Completely and totally not his fault, he says. Heh heh. So three years in a row we have had claims and now we are being fired as clients by the car insurance company. We've been their customer for eighteen years and have paid thousands in premiums. Apparently loyalty is not recognized in their eyes. Similar to how Army Boy didn't recognize monogamy. 

I'm trying not to look too far into the future because it's a scary bitch. And I'm trying not to even think about the weekend because once again the kids will spend the night at Army Boy's frathouse, I mean, apartment. They'll head off with him on Saturday afternoon after we all spend the day at a soccer jamboree. A whole fucking day of togetherness. I can only hope that I have to spend the entire jamboree standing next to the jackass that makes me question whether there are any good men left in the world (other than my son). The jackass that made me realize how foolish I was for so long. The jackass that wrote to his girlfriend all sorts of sick things that scroll through my mind every time I see him. Thank God, it's a soccer jamboree and not a baseball tournament. All those bats laying around would be mighty tempting to use on his face.