I've turned over a new leaf. The former me who hated cooking and existed on takeout and frozen pizza while Army Boy was deployed is gone. I'm embracing cooking now and using my obsessive compulsive nature to try to be successful at it. I'm researching healthy recipes and planning two weeks of meals and clipping coupons and trying to be the fucking Martha Stewart, or maybe I should say the Betty Crocker, that I never had any interest in being previously.
Army Boy was always the cook in our house and a damn good one. Every meal he would make, I would rave about how delicious it was. If he said it was too salty, I would say it tastes fine to me as I shoveled in one more bite of food that I did not have to cook.
Tonight at supper the kids tried the cranberry pork that I had made. It wasn't the best, they said, but at least they tried it. Then they said that I'm a better cook than Daddy is now and that he never cooks for them. He only makes them burgers and peanut butter and jelly. Now I know my kids tend to exaggerate so I said that I'm sure that's not true. Yes it is, they said, he says he doesn't have any food at his place.
So either Army Boy is saving all of his cooking for his whore and is mostly staying at her place and that's why he has no food at his apartment or he's too fucking lazy to cook for his own kids. It's ironic that the shoe is on the other foot now. When I took the easy way out and fed the kids less than stellar meals (if Army Boy wasn't around), he would ask me if I was feeding them ice cream and cookie dough for supper. I'm trying to be a better mother and person for my kids and along with that comes the need to swallow down the comment of Daddy being a fucking hypocrite.
That is great to hear! Its actually ok to make mistakes and make meals that are mediocre, because you can learn from them. Keep things simple in the beginning, and get good at that, then start making more complex meals, with the skills you have acquired. If you keep it up for a year, you will be an amazing cook. Its not a god given gift, if thats what army boy tried to make it out to be, its just work, and effort, you will be a better cook that he ever will be, and your children will love what you do, just keep it up!
ReplyDeleteIf you haven't got one, get yourself a slow cooker. Shove everything in, in the morning and come home to the warming smell of a stew. Also great for when it is colder. Sometimes we just don't have the energy to cook a great meal after a hard days work as a single mum. One of my friends I recommended to says it has changed her life as the kids come home and a great dinner is ready so they r not filling up on rubbish.
ReplyDeleteI just can't get over how lush and tender even the cheapest brisk cut just falls a part and melts in yr mouth.
And well done for pissing over army boys cooking skills! Losing his father halo one day at a time (just getting some healthy anger out ;) )
FT xx
My youngest comes home from time with her dad and gushes on and on about his new girlfriend! Sooo painful!
ReplyDeleteMy friend had a suggestion...listen for a minute or so (that way your kids don't feel badly about mentioning their dad), but then tell them that now is your special time with them and basically change the subject. Try to keep their focus in the present.
My therapist said to give my kids a space to love their dad...but it is ok to say, "Dad is not that good at (controlling his temper) but he does love you". I just want the best for my kids, just as you do, and I like that I have been given a tool to point out some (many) of his f-ed up behaviors. The last thing I want my kids to do is grow up and think it is ok to pursue your own happiness in such a selfish, devastating way. The mantra of "you only live once" and "you gotta make yourself happy" doesn't include ditching your wife and kids!!
I think you would feel much worse if your kids came home raving about the wonderful cooking he was doing or the delicious cookies his girlfriend had baked for them. You have no control over him being a hypocrite or not, and who cares at all where he is staying. Cast those thoughts out of your head the minute they enter knowing that he is just further revealing his true self to your children. Be grateful they are getting this opportunity to see him for who he truly is and that you don't have the temptation tell them! They are infinitely resilient and they have to be the ones to define their own relationship with him while you get the privilege of only needing to be the very best you, you can be. You will SHINE and I am guessing he will not!
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