Scarlet 'D'

I wonder how long it takes for the scarlet 'D' to fade on your chest. Last week the kids were on spring break. I planned a fun excursion to a lazer tag facility for them and a few friends. My son's friend was dropped off by his father. The man said his goodbyes, and then he cleared his throat and said, 'The only thing I'm concerned about is the bathroom thing.'

The bathroom thing? I must have given him a quizzical look because he said, 'If you could have the boys use the buddy system to go to the bathroom, cause you know, you're taking them alone.' 

It might have been me but the word 'alone' echoed around my living room. I could feel my face flush. 'Of course, the buddy system.' Now I could have been taking the kids alone for a variety of reasons but the one that gave me the twinge of pain is the big 'D' word. 

In the car ride on the way to play lazer tag, my son asked, 'Do you think Daddy is all moved yet?' 

'Your dad is moving?' his friend asked. 

'Yeah, in with his girlfriend.' 

'Your dad has a GIRLFRIEND?', the other boy asked. 

'Yeah,' said my son, 'she has a dog though.' (To a family of dog lovers we consider that important. Lol.) 

I can't wait to hear if the boy reports back to his dad that my son's father has a girlfriend. I bet the guy won't be talking about any more divorce interventions. Instead he'll think just another dirtbag who left his family. Or maybe that's my own perception. The guy probably won't give it a second thought. It seems to happen so often that one more cheater hardly seems newsworthy....unless you're Tori Spelling. 

Skinned Knees

Kids provide an endless source of entertainment and help you see the humor in even the most hurtful of situations. 

School vacation is next week. I told the kids that I wished we could go somewhere overnight but we can't because of the dogs. My innocent son said, 'Maybe Daddy can watch them.' Before I could say anything, my almost ten year old daughter said, 'Daddy has a girlfriend to watch now. He has to make sure she doesn't skin her knees. She rides a motorcycle you know.' The unimpressed deadpan voice she used was hysterical. 

I wish I could draw and put down on paper the image in my mind. A too tall woman on a motorcycle with her knees scraping the ground and my ex running along beside her trying to cover her knees. Hilarious. God, I love my kids. 

Freedom isn't a Four Letter Word

Freedom. It's a funny concept. Married for fifteen years and you never really know how much of yourself you give up, you just do it and gladly. Then the ties that bind are lifted and holy shit, you can make every decision yourself. Scary and a little exhilirating.

I'm curious about the craziest things divorcees have done. Gotten a tattoo? Traveled to Tahiti? Started a new business? Adopted a puppy and a cat when you're so busy that you barely have time for the dog you already have? (I'm raising my hand for that one.) Had a baby because wouldn't one more child be awesome?

Yup, that thought went through my mind for about five seconds when I saw a newborn baby. My God, the freedom is intoxicating and I'm a little freaking worried about what I might do next. No, I don't think I'll procreate again, I'm missing one huge part of that equation, the male piece. I'm not ruling out a tattoo though. Or another puppy...or a kitten...or maybe a kangaroo. 

Source

Tall Tales

The kids met their dad's delightful girlfriend this weekend. What's she like, I asked? She's tall, very tall, taller than Daddy. Haha, that paints a fun visual. I'm all for women's lib but it gives me a little silly pleasure to think of his girlfriend towering over him. Maybe she pats him on the head occasionally. Heh heh. 

Is she nice? I guess so, they both said. What's her name? We don't know, we can't remember. Hmmm, apparently she didn't make much of an impression. The kids seem kind of blasé about this new-to-them development. Or they should be nominated for the next Academy Awards. They both are like - Dad has a girlfriend, uh, that's kind of weird but whatever. 

The kids appear to be doing okay with the situation and you know what, so am I. Kellie Pickler is singing a verse from my theme song - 'I've got my pride and she's got you.' I think of the ex and his tall girlfriend together and I laugh, 'cause what else can you do....AND the visual in my mind is pretty damn funny. 

Happy Monday y'all. Now that my kids are back home again it's going to be a great day. The sun is shining, the temperature is supposed to be 70 degrees and the puppy only peed twice on the floor this morning. What more can I ask for? 

'Parenthood' Made Me Cry

The time when I cried watching Parenthood. Yes, that happened. A show with Dax Shepard, previously of Punk'd, made me shed tears.

Hormones are running rampant, womanly issues as well as divorcee issues. The kids are supposed to meet skanky whore this weekend so I tried to keep busy with a marathon shopping session. Anything to keep my mind off the the ex and his 'friend' skipping hand and hand with the kids, frolicking and laughing gaily as they embark upon new adventures called 'Getting to know Daddy's adulterous tramp'. Good stuff. 

I'm a little late to the Parenthood boat. Is that show even still on? I dunno. I'm catching it on Netflix and I'm loving it. Right up until one of the teenage daughters brought her boyfriend home to meet her parents. The mother and the father looked at each other in a panic - OMG, our baby is dating?! And then my tears started to flow. The thought of being a single parent sometimes sucks badly. Nobody to share those moments with, those bittersweet passages of time. Fuck. 

On a kid free weekend, perhaps I should stick to watching something safe like 'Weeds' or 'Cake Boss'. In the meantime, I'm going to go and pat the newest addition to our family. A kitty. An eight-year old feline that we adopted from my best friend. Her mother-in-law passed away, leaving behind her cat. My friend took her in but the cat was having trouble acclimating to the three other cats in residence. My daughter has been begging for a cat so voila, hello kitty. Get a divorce and start a zoo. That's my motto. 

  

Daddy Got Himself a Girlfriend

My dad is recovering. It was touch and go for a while. He was in the hospital for eight days. The first hospital he was brought to by ambulance evaluated him and had us say our final goodbyes to him. They didn’t expect him to survive the transport to a better hospital. He did survive though and after a few alarming setbacks is now at home to continue his recovery. I won't go into medical details (I’m an HR professional, HIPAA rules are too deeply ingrained in me). 

The most disturbing part of my dad’s illness was speaking to him in the hospital room and he didn't know who I was; he didn't remember having a daughter and kept calling me ‘that girl’. He’s at home now though and that’s all that matters. I’m not especially religious but I did do a lot of praying and said a 'Thank You God' when he started to make some progress. 

Back to our normally scheduled program of being a bitter betrayed ex-wife…. Just kidding, although I expect a wave of that to surface this weekend. My ex-husband told the kids a few weeks ago that he has a girlfriend. I knew he was going to do it, and I actually wasn't too concerned over how the kids would handle it. They seem to take everything in stride. Maybe that’s an act but I’ll just let myself believe it’s for real.

When the kids got home from their father’s place a few weekends ago, I asked, ‘Did Daddy talk to you about anything this weekend?’ My son looked at his sister and said, ‘You tell her.’ ‘No, you tell her,’ my daughter responded. This went back and forth for several exchanges and then my son finally said, ‘You tell her, you’re older.’

I know the kids were trying to protect me, and it was very sweet (although a little sad that they think they need to filter what they say to me). ‘I already know what you’re going to say,’ I said, ‘so just say it.’  

‘Daddy got himself a girlfriend, Mommy,’ my daughter said. 

I was just about to burst out laughing from the way she worded it when my son spoke up, ‘Mommy, are you going to cry now?’

I did laugh then and said no, most certainly not, we are divorced and we lead our own lives. (Yes, I did bite my tongue from saying that Daddy got a jump start on his new life by two years.)

‘What else did Daddy say?’ I asked.

Again they fought over who was going to be the bearer of bad news. 'I already know', I said, 'just say it.' 

‘Daddy is moving in with her; we're going to meet her the next time we see him.'

'Do you think you're going to like her?' I asked.

'No, probably not, but I like her dog already,' my son said.

'Well, that's all that matters anyway,' I joked. (LOL. Sorry but what can I say? I like animals better than most people.) 

‘Are you going to have your own rooms there?’

 ‘We don’t know, Daddy didn't say.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

Shrugging of the shoulders was the only response.

‘You can tell me anything you want, don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings, I’m your mom and I want to know how you’re doing.’

More shrugging of shoulders.

The subject has been on the shelf for a few weeks, they haven’t mentioned anything more about it. This weekend they are scheduled to be with their father. In my deepest most bitterest of places, I want them to despise the skanky whore and be total brats. But they are my babies so I also want them to be happy. And I can't imagine that happy kids hate the people in their lives. 

So, instead, I will stifle my anger and disgust and I will hope that they like her and she is good to them. I’m betting skanky whore is a semi-nice person. After all, my ex husband has very good taste in women, he picked me almost two decades ago. ;)