Thursday, December 26, 2013

Merry Effing Christmas

I can't imagine not spending Christmas with my kids. Not seeing the excited anticipation in their eyes when they yell, 'It's Christmas, can we go downstairs now?' Not hearing them exclaim over each item they pull out of their stocking or each gift they tear into and shout, 'It's just what I wanted!' I didn't sign up for any of that and thankfully didn't have that as my reality, yet I still have to deal with an empty spot in my heart sometimes.

Here I sit alone in a house looking at the toys scattered around from the festivities of yesterday. No echoes of excitement as the kids play with the treasures that Santa gave them. No child pleading, 'Mom, will you help me put this together?' The silence is deafening. 

The kids are with their dad for two days. Two days, just two days. Somehow this time of year makes it feel like longer. And the happy intact family across the street mocks me as they play outside, laughing and throwing snow at each other as I watch them with a sneer. 'Tis the season to choke on your bitterness. Merry Effing Christmas. 

1 comment:

  1. Hey K, I'm right there with you. Mine were gone the three days before Christmas. I was utterly shocked at how the empty house and loneliness during what is supposed to the most exciting time of year felt like. Everything I saw and heard ( song on the radio, last minute shoppers, happy families strolling down the street) made me sooo angry. My breaking point came Christmas Eve when my X got stuck in traffic for 5 hrs, totally ruining my family dinner plans.
    We didn't sign up for this, it sucks, no other way to say it!

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