When Can I Catch a Break?

So my squatter of a tenant has turned into the 'single, white female' variety. I don't recall much of that movie but I know there was somebody cray-crazy on it. And yup, the person residing under my roof has a lot in common with her.

Tomorrow is the deadline for her to vacate the premises. Supposedly her and her boyfriend found a house sitting gig and she's moving out. Only she isn't. Tonight I get a text from her. She needs more time, her boyfriend filed a restraining order against her and she has no place to go. Uh, say what? A restraining order? I don't even care what the hell that's all about, I just know that she has to get out. Now I'm worried for my kids that we have this psycho living with us that doesn't understand how much of her welcome she's worn out. Every word she speaks is a lie and I can not have her stay here any longer. And yet, according to the State Police officer that I talked to, I have to go through an eviction process to get her out. But it's my house and she just stays in one room and I think she's a risk to my kids. Doesn't matter. Well, isn't that fucking wonderful. 

I told the squatter that she still needs to be out tomorrow and she says she will if I help her move and oh yeah, I need to scour the apartment listings with her to help her find a place. Apparently I'm now the mother of a 32-year old slow witted dimwit. Good times. 

Since we've already established that she's a liar, liar, pants on fire, I'm betting that tomorrow will not see her closing my door for the last time. And if I kick her out, the lovely police officer stated that I would then be the one brought up on charges. I love the American legal system. If she kills me in my sleep, I'm going to haunt that police officer and whisper in her ear, 'I told you so.' *

* I don't really think the squatter is dangerous. I think she's lazy and stupid and wants someone to take care of everything for her. Sooner or later she'll get the memo that I never signed up for the position of her caretaker and she's on her own. 

Update:  

Putting my research skills to good use once again, I found the following state statute - 

A rental arrangement whereby a person rents to another individual one or more rooms in his or her personal residence that includes the shared use of any of the common living spaces, such as the living room, kitchen, or bathroom, may be terminated by either party by providing actual notice to the other of the date the rental agreement shall terminate, which shall be at least 15 days after the date of actual notice if the rent is payable monthly and at least seven days after the date of actual notice if the rent is payable weekly.

I called the State Police officer and informed her of this statute and she said it sounds like this would be in my favor. Well, since tomorrow is day 16 since I gave squatter the written notice to vacate I would say that this is ironclad. (I had given her verbal notice and notice via text back in early December.) The officer said 'well, it's a civil matter and we don't get much training in this.' 

I said that's what the statute says and if she doesn't vacate my house then she will be trespassing, correct? The officer said 'yes and that's when we get involved.' Well, I'll be calling the police tomorrow then if she doesn't leave and the police will cite this to her and tell her she must leave, correct? The officer said we would probably have to get the state attorney involved but yes. 

Notice to all the squatters out there - don't fuck with a mother who thinks her children are being put at risk. I will research til my fingers fall off to prove that I'm in the right and you need to GET.THE.FUCK.OUT.