How do you know if someone is a horrible fucking person or maybe you're just upset because he's betrayed you? Where do you draw the line between he's wronged me and he has no redeeming qualities? What's the tipping point on the scale to convince you that yes, he's a waste of space and maybe it's not just you and your broken heart prejudice?
I struggle daily with how much I should hate my husband. He's cheated on me, lied to me, filed divorce papers without even telling me, lied to our children and caused them so much pain and confusion. But then I think, well, isn't this normal for divorce? There always has to be some animosity, this is why you're getting a divorce, maybe I can let go of some of the hate. But what's the limit on the bullshit that you'll tolerate because you might just be crying sour grapes since he's divorcing you?
He's had an affair for a year and a half. Does that make him a horrible person or is it just my warped filter?
My husband's mother has a tumor and he wouldn't call her to ask about her diagnosis because he 'knew she would only want to talk about the kids and how they are doing with him moving out'. Does that make him a horrible person or is it just my warped filter?
He refused to answer a text from one of his oldest friends because 'he didn't know what to say to him' about our separation. He couldn't face telling this friend what the circumstances are. Does that make him a horrible person or is it just my warped filter?
He told his sister that he couldn't go to their mother's doctor appointments because his schedule was getting full with court dates. (I've had none so whose divorce court is he going to?) Does that make him a horrible person or is it just my warped filter?
He refuses to discuss or try to agree on visitation or child support and says the court will recommend something. Does that make him a horrible person or is it just my warped filter?
He had a profile on Adult Friend Finder and exchanged nude photos (and God only know what else) with countless women. Does that make him a horrible person or is it just my warped filter?
He responded to various Craigslists ads soliciting sex with photos of his face and his genitals (from his personal email account which clearly has his name on it). Does that make him a horrible person or is it just my warped filter?
I know I'm always going to think the worst of him now but I'm having a hard time reconciling what's normal divorce behavior and what's 'how can this person even live with himself' behavior. Can you ever be an impartial jury to the spouse that ripped your heart out and upended your children's lives?
Thank you. I don't know why but I keep having to remind myself that it's okay to feel this way about him. My inner Catholic girl wants to find some reason for all of this happening, some explanation about how someone that you loved could do something so horribly painful to my children and I.
ReplyDeleteIt's 100% okay for you to feel this way! My God..I'd be worried if you weren't feeling angry and betrayed. It's normal and natural. Ride the waves, girl.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, he's a horrible person. Non-horrible people do not do the things he's done.
Jenny
Thank you, I don't know why I keep seeking validation for my anger towards him but I do. I have to keep rehashing what he's done. Maybe to convince myself that it really happened. Still in shock over how quickly the shit sandwich was made.
DeleteI would say the affair and connected behaviors make him a horrible person, but the avoiding contact (consequences) incidents are probably warped filter. I don't know how I would handle explaining myself to friends and family if I was in his shoes.
ReplyDeleteHe's probably still in that endorphin bubble that will take a while to evaporate; until that happens the OW is the only thing he's paying attention to.
Yes, you're probably right. I don't think he's a complete psychopath so facing up to friends and family is probably difficult. Poor guy, I really feel for him, I said unconvincingly.
DeleteThat's disgusting that your daughter had to be exposed to that. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI personally wouldn't be turned on by a stranger's dick shot but that's just me. Must be some skanky whores find it appealing. You're right, not the normal sane ones. Quite pathetic.
Yours was a soldier too? They must teach that class in the military. 'How to screw your wife.' Not the physical act of course, the mental anguish one. Apparently lots of soldiers excelled in that training. Probably got a commemorative patch for it.
Don't judge too quickly, I'm the military member AND wife that was deployed in Afghanistan while my husband was home safely in the states and HE was the one that 'lost' himself and betrayed our vows. I will say multiple deployments, might be a factor for spouses having marital issues but as its often said...there are other options then letting some whore into their pants. But don't judge ALL military members, some of us are actually faithful and serving our country while upholding our vows while those at home are having their 'needs' met by some bimbo skank. Oh and she did this to her first husband..now ex...husband. AND before she married number 2, needless to say my husband feels ....USED! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your service to this country. I'm sorry to hear that your husband didn't live up to his vows. That sucks that you were away fighting a war and he found a ho-bag skank. I know it's not easy to be separated during a relationship but I wish honor and love for their family would outweigh any needs that they have while their loved one is gone. All the best to you. Thanks for writing.
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