Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Cheaters and Assholes Need Not Apply

God damn it, why does it have to be so hard to write an online dating profile? Maybe because I'm not really ready to date yet? I dunno. Everything I write comes across as bitter. 

'I'm not shooting for a fairy tale, I had that and it ended badly.' Hahaha.I couldn't even write that without laughing. No, my marriage wasn't a fairy tale by any means but it did end badly. Heh. 

How about 'Cheaters and assholes need not apply.' Hmmm. That sounds a tad on the bitter side. Best save that conversation for in-person. I can't wait until a prospective date asks me why I got a divorce. I'll have to make the choice between divulging the lifetime television version or the simple 'His girlfriend thought I was a third wheel'. 

'Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.' That doesn't sound bitter, that just sounds deranged. Maybe I can use that as a quiz question though and if someone knows what movie it's from, they win a date with yours truly. 

A few of my coworkers dared me to go into a bar and pick someone up. 'It's not hard, K, just sit down and they'll flock to you 'cause you're 40 and in a bar and obviously on the prowl.' Oh boy, that sounds like fun. I bet I would meet some real relationship quality men there....Wait, I don't think I want a relationship, I just want a 'friend' <wink, wink, nudge, nudge> so maybe that's not such a bad idea after all. 

I guess I'll put off writing that online dating profile or trolling the bars for a while though. I'm having a hard time envisioning any man not being a cheating douchebag. Thanks to the Ex for squashing any kind of trust or faith that I had in the opposite sex. Fucker. 

** I wrote this a few days ago and yesterday The Chump Lady posted "How Do You Trust Again". Maybe I'll take a second stab at that online dating profile after all. Gotta love The Chump Lady, it's like she's speaking directly to me! 

10 comments:

  1. You really don't have to date. Really. Sometimes I think people say that crap because it makes *them* uncomfortable.

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    1. That is the first question most people ask. Are you dating yet? None of your damn business I want to say.

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  2. Assuming that this is what you are hearing. . . The semester is over, so reading comprehension is at an all time low.

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    1. Lol. Give your brain a rest, it's summer now!

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  3. yes the chump lady is amazing

    i kinda like eharmony at least there it gets beyond the superficial

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    1. Might have to check out eharmony. They all seem like a meat market, which sadly is probably not far from the truth.

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  4. Oh yay oh yay oh yay yay yay! If you do this (yay!) I truly hope you don't let a syllable of bitterness or fear leak out into your profile. You will attract all the wrong kind of men and the ones we all want will look right over your head. Keep it short and a little mysterious. "Recently divorced woman taking her first tentative wade into the dating pool. Must like rubber boots, kids and animals. Would love to meet a friend that enjoys and appreciates x y and z. " The end. Definitely no whore jokes, not even in person if you get that far. Those sound frigging awful. This is going to be a terrible and hilariously bad experience at times. Blog food! Yay. It is what you need next though. I really think so.

    Wishing you peace and happiness as always,
    Me (again)

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    1. I might have to 'borrow' your blurb. I would want to date me if I read that. :)

      Thanks for reading and writing!

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  5. You just make me laugh! I love your profile ideas (but I guess they wouldn't so good to actually use)

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    1. I refrained from using my ideas, although it would have been interesting to see who I attracted. Lol.

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