One of the things I still struggle with is trying to understand how the ex expects the kids to accept the skanky whore. When the ex's father had an affair, the ex hated that woman. Absolutely hated her and everything associated with her. Piece of trash, whore, slut, etc. All names the ex called his father's mistress/piece of ass/affair partner (I don't even know what to call her, putting a label on it sickens me.)
The ex was an adult when he discovered that his father was having an affair. The ex didn't have anything to do with that woman, that was his choice to make, he was an adult. My kids are little, they don't get to make a choice. They get shuttled to their dad's new place where a strange woman resides and boom.... she's a part of their lives. The ex is making them suffer through the very thing that he chose not to be a part of when he was in my children's shoes. The hypocrisy of it kills me.
This evening somehow the kids got on the subject of me having a boyfriend. 'You can't have a boyfriend, Mom,' the kids said.
'I can't but Daddy can have a girlfriend?' I asked.
'Yup. We live with YOU, Mom,' they said in explanation. Then they said, 'If Dad's girlfriend isn't nice, we're going to shave her head in the night.'
'I think she'd really like a Mohawk,' my daughter said and then giggled hysterically.
Wish me luck in overcoming the urge to pack an electric razor in the kids' suitcase this weekend.
it does boggle the mind that he is doing to his kids exactly what his father did and now thinks thats ok
ReplyDelete'Boggle the mind'....Yup, it sure does. I don't get it and never will. He said it must be hereditary. Way to own up to your actions. Thanks for reading and writing!
DeleteI feel your pain. I want to just say "Ditto" to everything you wrote. Too bad we don't live close to each other, we could form our own "First Wives Club" and update that movie to the 2010's....Just thinking about my children being around another woman (who will get confused by strangers as their mother) drives me bat shit crazy. I'm waiting for my x's whore to show up for a kids sporting event, I'm going to loss my shit. Great post on Chump Lady a few days ago about all this. As much as I want to hear "Hell Ya, do something about it", her response was spot-on as always, and made me swallow my pride and realize that there is nothing I can do about any of this....I find the less I ask questions when my kids return from their time in crazytown, the better for my own sanity. Hang in there! - TJ
ReplyDeleteThe thought of the whore at sporting events runs through my mind as well. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. I have two scenarios in my mind as to how I will deal with it. One is to give a banshee yell and tackle her (or let one of my friends do it). The other is to get a look at her and laugh hysterically because a woman who can be a party to what went down here has got to be the biggest joke ever.
DeleteI loved that Chump Lady post too. I almost linked to it. I read it a few times a day and will keep doing so until the first visit is over I'm sure.
DeleteThanks for commiserating with me. I'm sorry we have so much in common!
Big hugs, Kay. I feel for you...having been through this exact same scenario I know how psycho it can make you.
ReplyDeleteKeep this in mind: your kids LOVE YOU. They sound like funny, smart people who know exactly what's up. Hopefully skank is just a passing fancy, but in case she does stick around, keep this in mind: all four of my kids hate their stepmonster. Like, loathe her. And I didn't have to do anything to encourage it. They figured her out, early on.
Kids be smart, yo.
Ouch! Some step moms are nice, kind, decent human beings who care about their step kids. And some bio mom engage in parental alienation. The kids lose if the parents can't co-parent. Kay has done an amazing job of putting her kids first, always. Fingers crossed for her kids that the new lady in their dad's life is a decent human being because wouldn't that be the best case for her children?
DeleteI'm sure in some cases step mothers are nice. In cases like mine and Jenny's where the step mother/girlfriend is an immoral whore who was a party to the lies and destruction of a family, I have a hard time believing they are decent people capable of loving children. They are selfish narcissistic whores who put themselves first and I don't want my kids near anyone like that. Unfortunately I don't get a vote in it. If the ex split up with this whore and got a different girlfriend, my feelings would be different. How are kids suppose to embrace the person that helped implode their world? Just suck it up and say oh well that's how true love works, you just dump your family to find your happiness? I don't think so. I'm not surprised Jenny's kids loathe the step monster and I am betting mine won't be big fans of skanky whore either.
DeleteThanks for reading and writing.
Well, let's see, if your ex can get your kids to like his "decision," then it's all cool, right? (Shaking head.)
ReplyDeleteHe's already talked up the girlfriend and how wonderful she is apparently. Doesn't seem to impress the kids since she is just a stranger to them.
DeleteThanks for reading and writing.
plentyoffish.com. Seriously. You're a bright, funny woman and it's time to stop rolling around in the muck of bitterness.
ReplyDeleteMe (again)
I think I'm mostly not wallowing in the bitterness but when these first times come (first time meeting the whore, first time visiting), it's hard not to get mired down again. The thought of the ex fucking another woman when my kids are a few feet away seriously makes me want to kill him all over again. Me finding a new man isn't going to change that. I think what he's done to our kids is fucking shitty. I certainly won't bring a new man into the lives of my kids anytime soon when they've made their feelings known that they don't need a stranger in their lives when they are trying to wade through the hell that is divorce.
DeleteThanks for reading and writing.
You said it like I would have said it. You are not wallowing in bitterness! It is what we all think about the other woman! If I said the things I have thought about that whore I am sure I would be in jail already. Keep on writing you make me smile.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely be in jail if I acted on all the things I thought about that whore. Thank God I'm not a drinker otherwise all my good sense might disappear one day and I would end up behind bars.
DeleteI agree a woman who is involved in an affair obviously does not understand the different between right and wrong and is not ethical and therefore is not step mother material
ReplyDeleteon another note a co worker has a daughter who is going through a divorce due to affair and she told me what they call her "recruitwhore" she was an executive recruiter the daughter's friend is also going through the same thing with a much younger woman they call her "prostitot" just had to share
LOL. Love the names! Prostitot is a great one. And I used to be a recruiter so recruitwhore made me giggle. Thanks for sharing!
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