I got a response back from Army Boy about my email letting him know this weekend works for him to have the kids. He replied, 'Can we do next weekend or do you have plans?'
Maybe he has to work this weekend and can't have them. Or maybe he's just a douchebag and doesn't care that it will then be seven weeks since he's seen the kids. I'm not even going to make any more comments about that, but, on the inside, I'm shaking my head and laughing sardonically because nothing surprises me anymore.
Today my kids asked why I was late getting home from work. 'I had a meeting with my lawyer,' I said. Why, they asked? Because there's lots of paperwork to fill out when you get a divorce, I answered.
'I'm not going to get a divorce when I grow up,' my daughter said.
'What if your husband divorces you?' my son asked.
'Then I'll punch him in the face,' my daughter said.
'Then he will really want a divorce,' my son said seriously. And then they both broke out into laughter. I had to laugh too. Kids are so innocent. And I really like my daughter's idea about punching my husband in the face.
I am not sure this is what the "experts" would say, but, stop worrying about your kid's relationship with their dad. I was worrying so much about how the divorce was going to ruin my kids forever (well I still worry about that) and that if they didn't have an amazing relationship with dad then somehow they would never turn out ok. But what I was doing was covering up for him still, I was picking up all the pieces he left behind. And I don't think that was helping my kids at all. I want them to grow up and realize that they don't ever want to go through this with their own family (cheating, lying, divorce. If divorce is ever in their future, then at least I hope they go through it with honesty, respect and dignity). I actually think I am hurting my kids in the long run by not letting them see the truth now. I am not saying tell your kids that daddy doesn't want to see them this weekend, but don't sugar-coat it either. And don't let Army boy push you around with the schedule because you have guilt about your kids needing to spend time with dad. My ex loves to try to switch things around all the time to suit his needs (and his OW) so I try hard to make a schedule and stick to it. You have to set boundaries or they will walk all over you!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I love how your kids talk about divorce! I think it is great and I bet they will turn out just fine...spending time with dad or not!
And I bet your kids will turn out fine too Michelle. You have your head on straight and you sound like a very caring mother.
DeleteI am going to set a schedule and stop trying to be the steward of my kids' relationship with their father. He's on his own.
Thanks for reading and writing.
If you can get your current custody agreement into permaneant orders, consider youself extremely lucky. I would kill for full custody. You have it a lot better than you realize.
ReplyDeleteI might not sound it but I am actually quite aware of how fortunate I am to have my kids so much. My father asked me the other day, why don't you make him take them? I said you shouldn't have to force a parent to take his own children and I love my kids and want to be around them and if I could have them all the time, I would love it.
DeleteI'm not of the mindset that a child needs their POS father. If he sucks and he makes you feel like you suck, then it's not a healthy relationship.
Thanks for reading and writing.
I know this sounds awful, but I would LOVE for my piece of shit soon to be ex husband to vanish for 7 weeks. And I really don't think my kids would care.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't sound awful, it sounds human. And I was thrilled he was MIA for so long. I don't think my kids minded that much either to be honest. I'm just appalled that he can actually go so long without speaking to his own children but he's a POS so I shouldn't be too surprised. I wish he'd leave again for another 7 weeks, 7 months or 7 years would be great too. :)
DeleteThanks for reading and writing!