Yesterday I referred to Army Boy as my 'ex husband'. My daughter said, 'Ex husband?' I said yes, we're getting a divorce, should I call him something else? She asked me to call him by his name so I said I would. Then, a few minutes later, she referred to him as 'ex Daddy'. I told her of course he wasn't her ex Daddy, he's always going to be her daddy. She said not if I get remarried. I said even then, he would be her daddy. (And where does she get this fascination with me remarrying, I haven't even been on a date yet.) She said when I get remarried she will have a new Daddy and an ex Daddy.
I'm not a psychologist but I do know how long it's been since my kids have seen or talked to their father. Four weeks on Sunday. He's away at some Army training. The kids asked me a few days ago if Daddy is in Afghanistan again. I said no, he's just the next state over. I don't know if that's the reason they were subconsciously telling themselves why he hasn't called. I told them maybe he doesn't get cell coverage where he is or maybe he's been very busy.
Why do I feel the need to cover for him? He's chosen his fucking bed, let him lie in it. But I love my kids and I want them to feel like they are cherished by both of their parents. Then a comment like 'ex Daddy' comes from their mouths and my heart hurts for them. I might be reading too much into it, maybe my daughter was just being silly.
I hope the training that Army Boy is attending is called 'How To Be a Better Person' but I'm pretty sure the army doesn't offer that.
makes you wonder about them doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteI think I have been covering for my ex to everyone ever since I met him! But, I am trying to stop doing it...especially to his kids. I was thinking the same thing as you...that if my kids found out what a real shit their dad was, they wouldn't feel good about themselves. But covering for him never seems to end up the way it was intended. I end up looking like the shit, and I am not sure I am doing my kids any favors either. So, I am trying to let go of all of that (and more). When their dad doesn't call for over a week, I just say "I don't know why he hasn't called." And I am not going to try to "force" parent/kid time anymore either. If he doesn't want them for his scheduled Wednesday night dinner time, I'm not pushing it.
ReplyDeleteBut here is kind of the weird thing...as soon as I made up my mind to stop trying to get him and the kids together, he all of a sudden started wanting to see them more. It has only been the last few weeks, so we will see how long his new interest in his kids lasts.
But just to be honest, too...it hurts to see them want to be with him. I admittedly liked the fact that the kids were mad at him and wanted nothing to do with him. Now the tide has turned for them. The question is...when will it turn for me? (Not meaning when will I not be mad at him, or want to see him because he only has eyes for his whore, but rather when will I not care and start to heal)