Purses and Bears, Oh My

God, I'm tired. Tired of the continuous need that I have for affirmation that my husband is crap. The desire to have others say he sucks. I think if I heard it every hour of every day, it would never get old. This weekend the kids went to their father's for an overnight visit. The second time he's had them overnight. Throughout the whole day, my mind would wonder, 'What are the kids doing? Are they having fun? Do they miss me?' (Yes, I'm pathetic and insecure.) 

Fortunately my best friend and I planned a trip to some outlets three hours away. Strolling through stores takes your mind off things, especially when you are an indecisive shopper like me. We spent about two hours in the Coach store. Trying on every purse and putting each one through our array of tests. Is it comfy on your shoulder? Does it have an outer pocket for your phone? It's just like car shopping and we were kicking every tire. I ended up buying a purse, carried the shopping bag for a little bit and then decided I didn't like it. I returned it and bought another purse and my friend did too. Then we sat in the car and transferred all of our stuff into our glorious new bags. We tried them out for a bit and then realized that we didn't like them, so back we went to return them. I decided that I liked the first one that I bought after all so I purchased it again. 

I got home at about midnight from our shopping excursion and I had a ton of nervous energy. How were the kids? Were they sleeping? Did they have fun? I changed into my workout clothes (yes, I actually own some now, year-ago me is amazed) and put on my sneakers. I need to run from these demons that are chasing me, I thought, so out the door I went with a flashlight. Three steps later I realized something - fuck, it's wicked dark in the sticks where I live. Street lights? I think the closest one of those is 8 miles away. I can still do this, I thought, I have my flashlight. With every step I took, my feeling of 'gee, this was really dumb' grew. If a bear came out, I wouldn't know until he took his first bite of me. (Are bears nocturnal? I don't know but when you're in almost complete darkness EVERYTHING is likely to be nocturnal and is watching you.) 

The first car that drove towards me obviously saw my light. They gave me a wide berth. Okay, maybe this isn't so bad. The next vehicle, a large truck with freaking mirrors that stuck out two feet wide, came barreling towards me. I swayed my flashlight back and forth at the ground. They'll see me, the other car did. But they showed no sign of moving over. Did I mention that there are no shoulders on the road in addition to the nonexistent street lights? I stepped into the ditch and the truck blew by me. I thank my lucky stars that the monster side mirrors weren't any bigger because they probably would have decapitated me and that would have really put a damper on my night. I couldn't turn around fast enough and I ran all the way home, a bear nipping at my heels I'm sure. Not one of my brighter moments, I'll save my walks for daylight. 

The next morning I woke up and decided that I didn't really like the purse that I had bought (twice) after all. So I got in my car and drove two hours to a different outlet to return it. Thank God I didn't have to go back to the place where I bought it, they probably have my photo on the wall stating that I'm not allowed back in the store. 

When you're crazy, do you know that you're crazy? Or do think that you're sane? If you think you're crazy, does that mean you're actually sane because you're considering the fact that you might be crazy? I can only imagine what next weekend will bring. My husband has the kids for one more overnight visit before he leaves town for a month. Let's hope I won't be repeating the great American purse return or taking another dark midnight stroll with Mr Bear.