Subtitle: Do You Love Your Daddy?
Today at lunch my kids and my niece were casually talking. My niece said that she's her father's daughter as she chomped on chicken wings, just like her dad does. My six year old son asked her, 'Do you love your daddy?' My niece replied yes. My son stated, 'I don't love my Daddy anymore.' My heart skipped a beat for a second and then I said, 'Of course you do, you don't mean that.' My son didn't say anything and I let it go.
Today at lunch my kids and my niece were casually talking. My niece said that she's her father's daughter as she chomped on chicken wings, just like her dad does. My six year old son asked her, 'Do you love your daddy?' My niece replied yes. My son stated, 'I don't love my Daddy anymore.' My heart skipped a beat for a second and then I said, 'Of course you do, you don't mean that.' My son didn't say anything and I let it go.
I would love to tell my husband what our son said about him but I don't think it would matter. He obviously puts his own happiness above his children and nothing that happens is going to change that. I really wish you could somehow knock some sense into these selfish assholes. Inflict as much hurt on them as they have inflicted on others, but they seem to have a protective barrier against any type of emotional consequences caused by the decisions that they have made.
My husband will continue along in his self-serving lifestyle and the kids will continue to have to deal with it. I think the only thing he can teach them at this point is how not to live your life and that's a crying shame for my kids. I write this as I'm nestled on the couch with my kids munching on s'mores. Where is my husband? What is he doing? It doesn't matter. All that matters is he's not here for our children and that's his complete and utter loss.
My heart broke when I read this post. I feel so bad for you that you are going through this with young children. My boys are "grown ups" but I still think they have the same feelings as your young son when their father cheated and left me three months ago. No matter their age, I think they're still little boys inside. They have not spoken to their father since this has happened. You sound like such an awesome Mother and you will make up for what your ex is lacking. I have followed your blog for awhile and I don't know who I hate more...your ex or mine!!! They both win douche bag asshole of the year awards. Good luck and hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI think children are always the little kid inside when it comes to their parents. My husband was an adult when he found out his dad was having an affair. He had previously idolized his father and then to have that bubble be burst was horribly painful for him. He hasn't talked to him in years. (Yet he did the same thing himself. Ironic I know.)
DeleteI'm so sorry for you and your children that you are going through the shit sandwich of cheating as well. It sucks. I hate both of our douchebags. They deserve nothing but misery ... and I hope they both up end sad and lonely with regrets at the end of their lives. (Yup, I'm still well in the bitter phase.)
Take care of yourself. I bet you will get even closer to your boys through all this. Hang on to them and know that there is better out there for both of us.
Thanks for reading and writing.
I like your son. You reap what you sow, and dad's planting some real stinker weeds. Love is to some extent earned and why should he give it when his dad isn't earning it right now? Seems pretty straight-forward to me. Figuring out what your role is as far as telling your ex, not to mention the internal conflict of whether or not you want to....ahhhh there's the tough thing. He needs a boot in the a**, cause I'm thinking subtle isn't going to work here. When the military chain of command isn't available to direct them, thinking for themselves seems to go by the wayside. I hope for your kids' sake that the ex comes to his senses and puts them first. And until he does (optimism), I wish you fortitude.
ReplyDeleteYou got that right - you do reap what you sow. I wish douchebag would realize that but then again, maybe he does and he just doesn't care. I guess having one person in his life (his skanky whore) is enough for him because he's cut out every other person. I find that unbelievably sad but perhaps that is his definition of happiness. One more way we are completely different people.
DeleteThank you for your good wishes and for reading and writing.
Kay, your children will be okay, because YOU WILL BE OKAY. Live your life as best as you are able and one day they will look back and see how you did it with grace, dignity and strength. Do not let his self-loathing and lack of character affect you and your babies any more than you have to - Don't give him or his trollop that power over your life. The mantra that ran through my head constantly as I went through my divorce was, "Let Go" You need to let go and not let him have the ability, control or pleasure even of dragging you and your kids along for a crappy ride. I have lived long enough to see that all things happen for a reason and good always wins. ALWAYS. Healing is around the corner. Just take it a minute at a time, channeling your frustrations and anger into making a fabulous new life for yourself. Use that energy for goodness. You deserve that.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the advice. "Let GO" is a good mantra to have. And I'm also going to keep repeating good always wins...
DeleteYou sound like a wise person. Thank you for reading and your kind words.
Hi Kay,
ReplyDeleteAw from the mouth of babes...
As mentioned b4 I am still with my cheating partner- trying to work through it. Well today we were doing a long family drive and my partner had put on a new cd at the services. Our 4yr old said, "Please play number 5 I want to listen to all the number 5s to see which one is best, a part from the ones that make mummy cry, I don't want to listen to them cos I don't like mummy crying."
The whole affair was started through sharing music and OW quoting through twitter and her tumble lyrics about the relationship so there is a lot of music now that upsets me but didn't realise my 4yr old had picked up on it. I nearly cried and my partners eyes had welled up, I think for the shear fact of what he had done, the affect on me and now our son.
I feel so blessed that my son thinks so kindly but hope so much that we are not damaging him.
FTxxx
Your son has so much empathy at four years old. What a sweetie! It's amazing the things they pick up on. Your son will be okay. He has a Mom like you in his corner.
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