Many
years ago my father in law had a long term affair with a woman named Diane.
Army Boy (AKA my husband) hated that woman with a white hot passion. What a
whore he would say. Piece of trash, slut, every foul name you can think of he
said. My father in law and Diane didn't last long after my in-laws divorced
about six years ago. I've heard through the grapevine that my father in law is
on girlfriend number three or four or maybe five now. I have no idea where
Diane is, probably off sleeping with some other married man.
Today is my wedding anniversary. Fifteen years of bliss. Well maybe thirteen and two years of deception and betrayal apparently but who's counting.
I have my finger hovering over the send button on a text. I know I shouldn't but sometimes being the better person isn't as fun as it sounds. What's the gift that you're supposed to give for fifteen years? Paper? Crystal? Gold? How about a hate filled text and a set of divorce papers.
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Happy anniversary. Your father and Diane must be so proud that you found a Diane of your own, a woman with no morals nor empathy who is desperate enough to cling to someone else's husband and father with no regard for the family she is helping to destroy. Water seeks its own level though. Dishonorable cowards and unscrupulous whores somehow find each other. But surprisingly your father and Diane aren't together anymore. I guess lies and deception and ruining a family doesn't always lead to happily ever after. I'll be sure not to mention to the kids that today is our anniversary because then they'll ask what Daddy is going to get me and I'll have to reply that I've already received it and it was divorce papers wrapped up in a nice bow.
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I'm not sure which side will rule me today. Bitterness and disgust or the better person. Today I'd like to shove that better person down deep and spread a little hate and discontent and pain. But in order to feel pain you have to have emotions and right now I think that's a quality my husband does not have an abundance of. At least for his wife of fifteen years and the mother of his children. Happy Anniversary Fucker.
Today is my wedding anniversary. Fifteen years of bliss. Well maybe thirteen and two years of deception and betrayal apparently but who's counting.
I have my finger hovering over the send button on a text. I know I shouldn't but sometimes being the better person isn't as fun as it sounds. What's the gift that you're supposed to give for fifteen years? Paper? Crystal? Gold? How about a hate filled text and a set of divorce papers.
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Happy anniversary. Your father and Diane must be so proud that you found a Diane of your own, a woman with no morals nor empathy who is desperate enough to cling to someone else's husband and father with no regard for the family she is helping to destroy. Water seeks its own level though. Dishonorable cowards and unscrupulous whores somehow find each other. But surprisingly your father and Diane aren't together anymore. I guess lies and deception and ruining a family doesn't always lead to happily ever after. I'll be sure not to mention to the kids that today is our anniversary because then they'll ask what Daddy is going to get me and I'll have to reply that I've already received it and it was divorce papers wrapped up in a nice bow.
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I'm not sure which side will rule me today. Bitterness and disgust or the better person. Today I'd like to shove that better person down deep and spread a little hate and discontent and pain. But in order to feel pain you have to have emotions and right now I think that's a quality my husband does not have an abundance of. At least for his wife of fifteen years and the mother of his children. Happy Anniversary Fucker.
Kay -
ReplyDeleteI've been there. Don't send the text. It will feel good for a few minutes but the sh*t storm it will generate isn't worth it. It's hard for us betrayed spouses to let go - the fact is that Army Boy doesn't care.
Besides all it will do is stir up more conflict and that is the last thing you need. Just hunker down, focus on yourself and the kids and get the D finished ASAP. Antagonizing him only brings you down to his level and prevents you from moving on.
Wishing you the best,
Walt
You're right of course. I'm stepping away from the ledge...for now at least. Thanks Walt. Why are betrayed spouses so level headed and nice? Are there ever any betrayed assholes? I haven't found any yet. Maybe we're so nice that we were too good for our cheaters and they knew it. I'm betting on that one.
DeleteMaybe if we weren't so nice, we wouldn't have let them do this to us? Perhaps if we were a little less accommodating, we wouldn't have focused on their needs (time, space, midlife crisis, etc.) and made them bend to our will/needs/feelings....
DeleteI think we were so nice b/c we were afraid of losing them (shared history, family, financial, social pressure, etc.)- that we were willing to accept their crumbs over the fear of trying to find someone else to love us. It was niceness out of weakness, not of strength.
Never again will I be that weak. Never again will I let someone take advantage of me. Unfortunately, the pain of infidelity has affected every relationship post-D (both romantic and platonic). Blech!
-Walt
I am sorry. Plain and simple. This stuff sucks. It's awful to feel like there is no way to make them understand what they've done. Unfortunately there isn't, like Walt said, Army boy doesn't care, or is incapable of caring, if he did he guilt would devour him whole. Know that someday he will wake up an old man and realize he is alone, no wife, no kids, nothing meaningful or worthwhile in his life and he will know he had it and it is his own damn fault he doesn't have it anymore.
ReplyDeleteMe.... I would totally send the text, yes I may regret it later but at least I know that the unsaid has been said. Thus is the stage of my recovery ;)
Good luck.
I like your version of the future. Him waking up old and alone.... And I love that you would send the text! LOL. I think that's a fine stage of recovery to be in. ;)
DeleteThanks for your words.
Don't do it. Think Karma. He is going to get his with no help from you.(think of Diane and FIL, it's coming!)
ReplyDeleteDon't take the black mark on your soul.
He's probably waiting to hear from you, can't wait to get into it. Don't indulge the 12 year old.
The no contact thing is your better ally. Absolutely do not respond to anything today like it is nothing to you. Do it for a week. With his emotional maturity it will drive him crazy.
Best of luck to you and your kids.
bjg
Thanks, I didn't send this one but I did send another one. (See today's post....) Wasn't as bad as this one. It's not fun to be practical when you just want to rage and fight....I know, think of the children. Sadly I'm the only one doing that.
DeleteThanks for your words.
Why not celebrate your anniversary. Because 1/2 of your marriage is something to celebrate about. You. You are a wonderful woman who is a wonderful mother, and I'm damn sure you make a wonderful wife. You put up with that gutter rat for so long? You need to be rewarded. This is your first anniversary where you are free.
ReplyDeleteGo out and get yourself a present; maybe a massage, or some cute lingerie, or a series of premium yoga classes. You know what you like, and you are worth it.
Thank you so much for your kind words and the vision of him as a gutter rat! I laughed out loud literally. I can see him skulking around in the subway running in and out of the darkness, trying to find a scrap of food... and then the subway comes and BAM, he's just a smear on the track.... Oops, I got a little carried away in that fantasy, I'm back now.
DeleteI do deserve that cute lingerie. You're absolutely right. Thanks! :)