I started fantasizing about sending her a 'Congratulations on Your New Home' card and sign it with a note from her 'neighbor'. It would say something like 'Congratulations from a neighbor who knows that happiness isn't built on deceit. Neighborhood watch is doing its job. Have fun in your house of lies' but I know it would be obvious who sent it. Then I figured, why try to hide who it's from, I'll just include one of my husband's infamous 'penis in my kitchen' shots addressed to some random Craigslist sex ad. I had it all planned out, I'd drive to her town and drop it off in the local mail and then I'd zip by her house to check it out. Isn't that a great idea?? Revenge, make her pay!
Luckily I deplaned from my flight before I went through with it. Army Boy is a sick pig. He sent random people pics of his genitals, he had an affair and led a double life. One of his oldest friends recently told me that Army Boy has become a weirdo (and he doesn't even know any of the things I mentioned above). This person can see that, I can see that, just about everybody that I know can see that. Seriously, what the hell am I seeking revenge for? This desperate skank is in a relationship with a person that makes me ill. A person that I don't think is fit to breathe the same air as my children (but I know they have to see their father, yeah, yeah, yeah). I'm plotting revenge over him? Him??
Maybe I'm seeking restitution for my kids, their lives have been turned upside down by this. Then that got me thinking of my sweet children. I want them to be proud to call me Mom. I know my husband isn't worried about how his kids view him, he's just out to please himself. I want my kids to think I'm the best thing out there since Ben & Jerry's Peace Pops. I don't want to taint them with the image of me driving like a crazy woman while waving my nasty card in the air, laughing maniacally at the pain I'm going to inflict.
<deep breath>
Be the person your kids think you are.
Thank you! ameansofexpression@blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI read your blog. Ugh, is all I can say for both you and I. Freaking cheater men who can destroy their families. Pathetic. Stay strong. You have your children, cherish them and you will get through this.
DeleteLoved your story. Hate that we have things in common but also good to know I'm not the only one with crazy thoughts of revenge! Thanks and sorry you're going through this. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteSorry that we have things in common too. Misery loves company and so do thoughts of revenge. Thanks for writing. Hope you're able to laugh at your thoughts of revenge and carry on knowing that you have value and if someone can't see that, then they don't deserve you.
DeleteWhy can't I find the ameansofexpression@blogspot.com site really want to read but keeps going to google log in or shows other blogs :-(
ReplyDeleteI have yet to tell my story but love the comfort in reading yr site each night. In a nut shell my story is very different in the fact that I am still with him as he is doing everything in his power to keep me. Basically he had to work away from home for a bit, he suffers from depression, started drinking every night because he wad lonely and got into a conversation online with someone he had briefly met. One thing led to another and at least five meet ups with her resulting in me having severe thrush to the point that my doctor asked if I had another sexual partner (although not an STD it can be pass on through having other sexual partners) he never once used any protection. I am disgusted in him and the fact that she was a lot younger. He initally only admitted to the one night stand but the rest came out once he gave me access to everything. I said it was over (we r not married but have tw younger children) but he pleaded with me & he gave up drinking, going out (only goes out with me), gave me access to every account, even putting some of my visa debt onto his interest free card and the biggy- he had the big snip to prove to me that he didn't want anymore kids with anyone else and to show that younger women would be vastly put off by the fact etc.
The thing is I cannot forgive- I go through thoughts of hatred a lot. We also had a horrible bit of stalking from the other woman and he daren't give out his address to old friends etc for we fear further stuff although now it seems to of stopped. She had created a blog that although not directly named she used a secret name for him pouring out endless love shit. She stalked our twitter and after another one of her silly games on twitter we had to lock down our accounts. She is a total nutter. But lucky we didn't get to the police stage.
How do I get past it though?? He paid for couple counciling and even put a family app on my phone so I always kno where he is. He is a great dad and showers me with love. But the moment the truth came out all my love for him disappeared. I refuse to wear my engagement ring. He wants to marry and says he will buy a new ring but I feel everything is ruined. I was so excited about getting married but now I just don't believe in it.
Anyway just realised I have turned a 'nutshell' into a crator' so will stop here. Feel so sorry for what we are going through but also feel ungrateful as I am in a far better situation- But is it better? So many women forgive. My friends husband is still being an ass and she keeps saying to me (when we compare notes ; ) ) that at least my bloke is doing all the right things.
When I started reading yr blog I felt you wanted yr husband bk. Now I see you are becoming happier without him. Would you have forgiven??? Argggh it is so hard when you have a black and white mind like mine!!!
Anyway thank you so much for being here each night for me. It is like reading a book- maybe you should write one so you have the money to get a great house, i am certainly going to start writing... X
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Why do men have to be such pigs and so stupid? I'd like to smack them all up side the head with an iron pole.
DeleteSounds like you have a bit of Fatal Attraction going on. God, that's frightening. Hope that passes soon.
I don't know if I should envy you or not since you have a chance to work on your relationship and I never did. I don't believe I would have ever been able to trust my husband again and just seeing him now makes my stomach roll. Probably for the best that I never had the chance.
I wish you strength in examining your feelings and deciding whether you can eventually get past what happened or not. Sounds like he's making an effort but I don't know if I could forgive. I have a black and white mind as well - wrong is wrong and there are no excuses.
Thank you for your words and for sharing. I wish you peace and happiness in your future, in whatever path you choose.
P.S. The blog that was mentioned above is http://ameansofexpression.blogspot.com/
Hi Kay! Thanks for yr reply.
ReplyDeleteYep having this black and white mind is a pain. My cheating partner says I always see things this way and can't understand why I cannot move on. He says he would forgive me if it was the other way round- he daid he would be hurt but he would forgive.
But now I just feel like I want to see what it is like with someone else...
At least i am not married and have a house in my name. Can u imagine if it happened again and had to divorce him and give half the profits of my house to him and some scanky student who hasn't done a days work in her life (yes daddy pays for everything - but not a house- unlike me who had to work two jobs throughout my degree!) no my house is for the future of me and my kids!
Thanks for listening. FTxx
Of course he would forgive you, I'm sure he has a pure heart that is capable of everything good and kind.
DeleteYou are SO lucky that you have a house in your name. That's definitely one BIG thing that you don't have to worry about. I can commiserate about having to work two jobs throughout your degree. Same here. I look back now and wonder how I did it but I guess you do what you gotta do. Which is probably how I will get through my divorce too.
I wish you and your kids all the best. Hold them close.
Thanks for reading and writing.