Army
Boy sent me an email yesterday asking about one of our kids' sporting events. I
was running high on rage since I had a message from my daughter’s teacher when
I got in to work that morning (not to mention it was our anniversary.... Happy Anniversary to me, Happy Anniversary to me....). The teacher wants to meet with myself, the
guidance counselor and a few other teachers to discuss my daughter and the
program that they have her in at school. This program is supposed to help boost her
self-confidence. My 9-year old daughter has always been dramatic, sensitive and
emotional. She struggles with having any confidence in herself at all. And this was
before her father walked out the door. Her teacher is overly communicative – to
a fault unfortunately. I prefer to have the school handle most things but her
teacher likes to share occurrences that would probably go by the wayside if her
parents weren't in the middle of a divorce.
The
self-confidence program is actually doing the opposite of what was intended. My
daughter comes home feeling bad about herself and sees it as a competition
against another student in the program. Very counter productive. The phone call
from the teacher, so close to the end of the school year when I can almost
taste our freedom and shake off a little stress, sent my rage-o-meter sky high.
So I answered Army Boy’s question and added a little something extra.
______
Our
son doesn't have a ball game.
Teacher
left me a message this morning and wants to meet next week with the guidance
counselor and two other teachers to talk about the self confidence program. I'm
going to say no, I have no interest in meeting and that our daughter is going
through a difficult time right now. If you're interested in meeting with them,
you can contact them.
Once
the school year is over, we need to put the house on the market. I'm sure I
can't depend on you for the money that we need to swing it and the kids should
not have to worry about hearing about you and your girlfriend from people who
see you around. Since I can't trust you to put the kids first in anything you
do, I will put them first in everything I do.
Oh
by the way, happy anniversary.
Your
Loving Wife,
Kay
______
Not
my finest moment but I'm pissed. I feel like I'm alone in my worries. I didn't
create this mess but I'm left with two confused kids and a teacher that is trying
to be helpful but is causing more harm than good I'm afraid.
I
can picture Army Boy talking to himself when he read my email. ‘DO NOT let her
get you all worked up. DO NOT let her emotionally manipulate you and force you
to act in a violent manner towards her or the kids or destroy/damage property
or lose your job’. That last line was actually from his PowerPoint. A direct
quote. Apparently I can manipulate him
so much that it would force him to act violently. Good to know. I never
realized I had so much power. I must be like a puppet master pulling the
strings. Too bad I didn't have the one connected to his dick. If I had pulled
that one back, it would have saved us all so much drama.
You are not alone. It feels like it, but you are not. The difference between per Dday and now is that he pretended to care now he has stopped pretending. You have every right to be pissed. He keeps making unilateral decisions without regard to anyone else but him....this classifies him as one selfish asshole. It is hard to accept he is not the man you ever thought he was. That person is gone he may have never been there in the first place. He must blame you for everything because he is weak. It would be nice to be the puppet master like they believe us to be, because if we had that power we would undo all their mistakes and go back in time to where is didnt happen in the first place.
ReplyDeleteMy ex got super mad at me on the 5th anniversary of when we met because I wrote to him " 5 years years ago you came into my life and changed it forever. I know God has amazing things in store for both of us whether e it's together or apart" I still had a little bit of hope left....man that pissed him off. For the most part, while I hated taking the high road over and over, it worked better because it played into his guilt. Whenever my inner bitch came out, it just justified him and his poor decisions and he had no reaction .whatsoever. But the nicer I was the meaner he was and really allowed me to see who he was.
Screw the teacher. Change the program for next year. When your ex asks you about a ball game tell him the contact info of where to find the schedule himself. He fired you from the job as secretary of his life, the ow can do it now. Hugs
Ashley
LOL about 'man that pissed him off'. You're right about taking the high road and playing into his guilt. I need to remember that. There really is some satisfaction in not being a crappy person like he is. I have to keep that close and not click that send button every time my venom boils to the surface. It's hard work containing it though, it boils up A LOT.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. It helps to know that others have been through this and came out on the other side. I'm sorry that you have similar experiences to me but please know that your words are good for my soul. :)
A trick that helped with the high road was to type everything in a word document with a much anger and venom as I could spew. Save it. Then wait a day and go back and rewrite it with a much a business like tone as I could muster and send that one... I saved both versions and I periodically go back and look at them and see how far I have come. I also used my dad a lot as a reference. He is very good at maintaining objectivity and wording things in just the right way to twist the knife but still small like as rose...I guess he is the ultimate at manipulation but he uses his puppet skills for good, not evil... Lol
DeleteAlso, all of "his" friends he brought into the marriage are still my friends. I didn't bad mouth him publicly unless asked directly. His friends tried to make him see what he was doing was a mistake as I was the first person they ever liked him with...that should have been my biggest flag of all! Now he has ditched those same friends because of an immature post on Facebook telling everyone "how difficult life was for him and how I compromised his email and Facebook account and they could pick him or me" they picked me and he is left with some superficial people in Saudi that support his distorted reality...I sat and watched him sink his on ship. It's really sad because you vowed to protect the, from any harm but I had to stop protecting him. I couldn't do it anymore. I was too tired and need someone to protect me. I couldn't do both. You need to do both. You are still a good woman despite a nasty email or two or 7.
I'm glad your dad uses his puppet skills for good not evil. That made me laugh.
DeleteYour husband's friends obviously made the right choice in choosing you and not him. I talk more to my husband's oldest friend than he does.I haven't told him the truth behind the divorce. I thought that wasn't my place since he's my husband's friend but he's my friend too so now I'm not so sure.
The last paragraph is textbook projecting. Whenever he tries to call you a name, it probably applies to himself. He doesn't know what you are about, so he can only imagine what you are like, and he is so pig headed he molds you with his morals, and by his disordered personality traits, because he has no perspective.
ReplyDeleteHe molds me with his own morals is right. He told me that I could go ahead and date when he was still living in the house with the kids and I.... Uh, I don't think so.
Delete