I've
been overweight for most of my life... well, except for the five minutes senior
year in high school when I decided I was tired of being fat and I starved
myself and ran day after day after day. Then college hit and so did the
freshman 15 (or 20). When I met my husband junior year of college, I was curvy
but not outrageously so. That came after
I had my first child and then my second.
My
most painful memory in high school is wearing a tangerine sweater and sitting
behind a boy and he turned around and called me "Hugo". Why is the
name Hugo so painful? I have no idea but I'm sure it was directed at me because
I was overweight. When the movie Hugo came out a few years ago, I certainly
wasn't the first in line for a ticket. Two hours of hearing my most detested
word in the English language, I don't think so. I would have ended up in a
corner crying about the mean boy in high school.
When
I found my husband's Powerpoint on why I was to BLAME for his affair, it stated
that I was overweight and refused to lose weight. My husband was the cook in
our house and I ate what he made. He should have been flattered. Heh heh. Just
kidding, I did indulge in the cookies a little too much but he's never said to
me, 'Honey, I think you should lose weight, it's not healthy for you and I
worry.' No, he just brought it up as a convenient excuse as to why he boinked
someone else. Well, I've lost so much weight since he told me about the affair
that my pants are falling off of me. Believe me, I'd rather be overweight than
go through the pain of a cheating husband but it is a nice side effect. I'm
three sizes smaller than I was back in February. One more size to go and I'll be back to what I was senior year in high school. I've quit biting my nails, a
habit that I've struggled with for years. I've stopped drinking soda (that one
might be due to the kidney stone). I don't know if I've subconsciously been
feeling bad about myself the last few years because I suspected his affair but
I'm going to keep rolling with these changes. Maybe I'll end up being a better
person in the end. A slim woman with long beautiful nails sipping on a glass of
water while watching the movie Hugo.
*
Some people may read this and think, there's the reason he cheated, she's fat,
now I understand. I say to that look at Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods' betrayed
ex wife. She was gorgeous and a class act. Husbands don't cheat because their
wives have some extra baggage in their caboose.
My husband cheated on me as well, sista wife. At the time, I was the slimmest and healthiest I had ever been. I remember at around that same time, Halle Berry's now ex-husband cheated on her. This was also about the time of that amazing dress she wore to a red carpet somewhere, and her body was BANGING. She was an Oscar award winner, if I recall, not a Nobel prize, and not saving lives, but still arguably the best in her field of work. Desired by mean all over the world. I remember getting upset, again, like what the hell do the rest of us have to hope for if Halle Berry's husband cheated?!?!? I have found over and over in life, infidelity is never about the person that is getting cheated on. Its about something lacking in the life of the cheater. We are all dealt hands to play in life, and we can either do it above the table, or sneaking cards underneath. I know how I want to live.
ReplyDeleteI know how I want to live too. Halle Berry's ex is a douchebag. All the cheaters are. Yours, mine, Tiger. They are seriously missing an important piece of their soul.
DeleteI lost massive weight when ex pulled his shit, it won't stay off once you regain yourself. FWIW, I was not fat at all and the sudden weight loss aged me 10 years in 6 months.
ReplyDeleteI hope it stays off! One good thing has to come out of this. The weight loss has made me look younger. My daughter said the other day, ' You're prettier than you used to be Mommy.'
DeleteMy long lost friend...I heard the same story from my cheater. "If you loved me and were committed to me and wanted to be appealing to me, you never would have let yourself gain weight." Note...I gained a bit of weight after our 3rd child and about 15 lbs while recovering from major surgery due to cancer. Other note...I was small to begin with and at my peak of morbid obesity was squeezing into a size 6. Everyone can tell you that this is a shitty excuse for being a horrible person and the cheater's way of deflecting the blame for their actions onto you, but it still stings and lingers. Now that I'm falling out of a size 2, he says that just proves it to him that I could lose it "so easily" but wouldn't do it for him. "So easily", as you know, involved sobbing for months, not eating and vomiting when anything did cross my lips. They suck!
ReplyDeleteI spent many days and nights after my ex left making a list in my head of what was wrong with ME. My weight was on the top of that list. I have never been secure with my looks so this just made it worse. I found out who the other woman was and was about to look her up on Facebook. As I was about to push the enter button, I prayed please don't let her be younger, skinnier and prettier than me. My prayers were answered. I was so surprised to see an average looking, not so sexy, kind of masculine looking woman!!! Not to toot my own horn, I think I'm better looking. I was so happy but then it was short lived because I thought I must be really ugly if he left me for that. I am finally realizing like the commenter said before, it's something lacking in him, not me or you!!! I think I could have been beautiful and perfect and he would have still cheated on me. I think there is a douche bag gene that some men are born with and nothing we do will change that. By the way, this woman is his old high school girlfriend that he probably would have never talked to her since she lives out of state, but he started a Facebook page and the rest is history!!
ReplyDelete