Over and over in my mind I have constant arguments. Me versus me. I crunch the numbers and look at amortization charts. If I keep my house, when could I likely get approved to assume the whole mortgage? Maybe July 2016. Two years of having my husband's name on the mortgage. Would he even agree to that? He said he would consider keeping his name on it in order to keep us here. He thinks that's the best thing for the kids. He said he'd do what he can financially to make it work for us. Once upon a time I would have believed him. Once upon a time I would have had every confidence in him. But I don't know him any more. I don't know the man that he's become, or maybe the man that he always was.
Do I listen to my instincts and sell my house as fast as I can? Or am I being vindictive because once we move, I can say to everyone, 'See, this is what he's done. He's made his children lose their home. See how horrible he is.' It's really hard examining your every thought. Trying to figure out what's real and true and what's brought about by pain and thoughts of revenge.
My sister and my niece are flying in from Atlanta tomorrow. They'll be here a week. We have plans to go to a waterpark, hike, see some relatives, and we'll be visiting one of the houses that I saw last weekend. The cute old yellow farmhouse with all the charm. When I say old, I mean OLD. 1850's old. It's got some history, right? I'm just hoping that history doesn't crumble in around me if I buy it. But when I consider a future of struggling to pay the mortgage on my current home and the threat of foreclosure, I don't know what's the bigger risk. A crumbling stone foundation or a house propped up by the promises of my husband. Both feel equally unstable.
I need to stop the obsessing for the night. When my thoughts spin endlessly, my emotions get the better of me and rage erupts. 'I hope your fucking new life is worth it,' I want to scream. Hurting your children, financially devastating us, we both had to take out loans against our retirement accounts to pay for lawyers. Was it worth it? I'll never know his answer and I probably wouldn't want to.
I sent you an email about this. Keep the house. Leave his name on the mortgage. Don't let your pride win. I was in the same situation and I know have my name on the mortgage. Check your email. :)
ReplyDelete*know = now. :\
DeleteThanks for the email Adrienne! I just responded. I appreciate you taking the time to write and sharing your experiences.
DeleteIf you can afford it without him I say state but if you can only stay with his help it's time to move on. I speak from experience. My ex was very happy to help until he remarried and then didn't think it was his responsibility any more. Luckily I was able to modify my mortgage but it was a very rocky year that nearly did me in.
ReplyDeleteHi Celissa.
DeleteI'm so glad to hear you made it through your rocky year! My fear is that my husband would have good intentions at first but that it would dwindle after time goes by. I could probably swing it after a few years have gone by and the kids no longer have after school daycare costs (which are so expensive here). I'd have to manage until then though.
Thanks for your words and sharing your experiences.
I have no idea what you should do..but i just wanted to say- if u decide to stay in the house,it will be hard but you WILL work through it.if you decide to sell,it will be hard but you WILL work through it.either decision is hard but you will pull through. I don't know you but i just want to say you are a very strong woman and it is a pity that your husband did not appreciate you. Whatever happens, you will always have your children and your beautiful soul.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. You're right, whatever happens we will work our way through it. The path that we choose is exactly how it should be.
DeleteThanks for your thoughts. It helps so much hearing from others.
I would stay in the house as long as possible. Does he not have to support you and the kids till they are 18? I know someone who moved out and husband got a friend to rent with him but wife and child decided to move back in and solicitor told him they had the right (he had also changed the locks) and they are back in and he left. (this is in the uk). You say this other woman has a good job so let her support yr ex and him support his kids. Meanwhile if possible save any money you can, sell stuff you don't need and save save save do you will be in a better position if the time comes when you have to sell. Hope this helps. Xxx
ReplyDeleteI like your thought of letting her support him. That would be poetic justice. Let her revel in her prize then, having to support a douchebag. My husband does have to pay child support until the kids are 18. But if he just gives me what the state mandates, it's not enough to pay my bills. He said he would pay more. But my sister keeps saying how many men do you know who pay more than they need to? He could just be saying that and not come through.
DeleteThanks for your words. It is so good to hear from others with their own viewpoints.
Any chance of getting alimony? I am in similar situation. However we are upside down 20 to 30k on our house. So I would very much like to save my credit and stay here until we could get out what we owe. But it all hinges on him paying child support, alimony and m being able to find a decent job. A lot of stars have to align to make these hard things work!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about alimony. I think I'd rather get it in child support because that's non taxable I believe and alimony is taxable. Although I should talk to a financial person probably because I'm not sure if one is better as far as qualifying for a mortgage is concerned.
DeleteUgh, that's awful about being upside down on your house. I wish you the best of luck in having all the stars align and you get everything you want - the child support, alimony and a kick ass job!
Thanks for sharing!