An Attack of the Crazies

Anyone else have a little crazy in them? A need for vengeance? A diabolical plan to inflict suffering on others? Even though I equate my husband to a pile of dog shit and I'm the winner here, I still feel the need to inflict some pain. Retribution. Payback. I look at my childrens' sweet faces and I want to see someone else in agony. A need to see someone broken like I felt broken for all those weeks. I envision myself as Drago (Dolph Lundgren) telling Rocky 'I must break you'. (Rocky IV, not the best Rocky movie but entertaining.)

After I had the pleasure of chatting with the other woman online and she said 'she was sorry for her part in it but she cared too much about him to let him go', I was filled with rage and I wanted to destroy her and everything she stood for, was connected to and had ever seen in her whole life. I know she's moving to a new town so I envisioned sending flyers of my blog to her neighbors stating that she played the villain in this story. 'Welcome to the neighborhood,' the flyer would announce. 'Keep your husbands close to home.' I found information about her family who live in another state. I imagined sending them an email saying, 'Aren't you proud of your daughter/sister. Here's a pic of the kids whose father she stole.' I know where she works and I imagined putting a sign on the front window saying, 'Look elsewhere for morals, you won't find any here.'

The internet is a terrific tool for a temporarily unstable person with great research skills who is wearing rage-filled glasses that cloud out any thoughts of good judgement or reason. I spent more time than I want to admit toiling away on the computer plotting the demise of any future happiness for both the other woman and my husband. I stewed in bed for hours that night coming up with more and more ways to make them pay. Pay for the hurt that they had dealt to my kids and myself. I was on a plane to Crazytown and it was a direct flight.

Luckily my trip was short-lived. I calmed down (and that was even before I spoke to my lawyer.) Thank God, my kids already have one messed up parent, they don't need another. A small part of me wishes that I had done maybe one or two things from my 'probably won't send me to jail' list. Don't they deserve some unhappiness in this as well? But the calm rational side of me says not to fret, they will get their unhappiness, it just won't be caused by me and I can feel good that I fought an attack of the crazies and won.

So the lesson I take away from my temporary visit to the land of rage is sleep on that email you're going to send. That call you're going to make. That text you're going to respond to. You'll thank yourself in the morning when your sojourn is over.