My kids have said so many things through this whole thing that have made me proud, made my heart ache and made me think that they are wise beyond their years.
'Why are our lives so stupid right now?', asked my eight-year old daughter.
After telling them that their grandmother is very ill, my six-year old son said, 'So we have two things going on in our lives right now.... Daddy leaving and Grandma being sick.'
'I'm just like Jake now. I don't have a real Daddy anymore,' said my son. As much as I tried to tell him that he still has a real Daddy, he just doesn't live with us anymore, my son insisted that he doesn't have a real Daddy.
'When you remarry, we'll have another Daddy,' said my son. Wow, talk about jumping ahead. I'm not even divorced yet.
'Daddy can take the computer desk in the playroom. You never liked that in there anyway,' said my daughter. Very true.
After my daughter's birthday luncheon celebration, she kissed my husband goodbye and we got in our separate cars and drove away. My daughter asked on the way home, 'Why can't we be a normal family?' As much as I tried to tell her that families come in all different forms, she insisted that a normal family has a mother and father who live together. Not a fun talk to have on her birthday.
'Can we see Daddy every other weekend? That's what Emily does,' said my daughter.
After telling my kids that they need to tell me when they are feeling sad or angry, my daughter said, 'What if we're at Daddy's and we're feeling sad?' I said they could call me if they wanted to. She said, 'What if he doesn't let us use his phone?' I said I would get them their own phone so they could always call me. She was quite excited at the thought of her own cell phone.
After telling my kids for the thousandth time that they still have a daddy, my son said, 'Yes, we just won't see him very often.'
How can a Mother's heart handle her children's pain, pain caused by the selfishness of their father? I don't know but I am finding out. You reassure them as much as you can, be matter of fact and unemotional. Every action or thing you say is absorbed by your children. I vow that I will be the better person, the better parent, because I refuse to be the reason behind any more pain and confusion in my children's lives.
I am so sorry. One of the things I will make myself remember is my Mr. Gone's comment, "Well, every kid has to go through some trauma growing up; might as well be this." A year out my kids have gained some independence, but there is that fundamental loss of security, plus the loss of all the opportunities they had (summer camp, a parent around in the afternoons). Deep breathing with you.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a callous thing to say! OMG, how can a parent say that? Well, I know how actually. They place their own self-absorbed happiness above all else. Sickening.
ReplyDeleteYour kids comments make me so sad. I'm sure you're doing the best you can and you have excellent responses for them....I just wanted to share what seems to work in our home. Instead of looking at it as "daddy moved out" we say that our kids have two homes now. Daddy's home and Mommy's home. They got to pick out the paint colors to paint their new room in daddy's house and we let them be involved in the whole separating process as much as possible. That way they don't feel as helpless our out of control.
ReplyDeleteThe kids seemed pretty interested in hearing about my husband's apartment. They still haven't seen the inside yet and it makes me sad to think of them there in a 2-bedroom apartment when my husband walked away from our beautiful home. But it is what it is and I don't want my kids to suffer so I will try to make it sound exciting when they go visit even though my heart will be crying.
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