I would never assume to know what it's like to be ravaged by war. But I do know what it's like to be ravaged by divorce and infidelity. Flashes through your mind of absolute panic, shock and fear. Debilitating sadness and all consuming rage. Fight or flight instinct always on alert. Never truly relaxing no matter what you are doing. Feeling distracted and never focused on one thing. Time stands still or creeps along so slowly you want to scream. Insomnia, mind racing a hundred miles an hour on a hundred different topics. Disturbing images refusing to be banished from your internal vision. Fear of the future, distrust of the past. Suffocating pressure on your chest that never seems to ease up. Continuous knot in your stomach that leaves no room for hunger. Shattered heart broken into a million pieces with little hope for it to ever mend. Loss of a trust and innocence that you can never regain.
I have never been though the hells of war but I am going through a battle right now. And it's dark and horrible and I wouldn't wish it on any one. More fodder for my weekly counseling appointment. Having someone sit and listen and focus entirely on what you are saying is healing and I look forward to my time in the chair. My, the stories I have to share this week.
Hi Kay, I feel like I am reading my story when I read your journals. Your husband is acting exactly like mine, your feelings are the same feelings that I am battling with. It is uncanny and really sad that we are going through the same situation. My children are older than yours which I haven't figured out if it's a blessing or a curse. They see their father now through adult eyes and this betrayal has really hurt them. They have not spoken to him for a month now and I don't think they will any time soon. I felt a real kinship with you when I read your story, so I wanted to send you some encouragement. Hang in there and keep looking for your blessings. I think in the long run that we will both be better off without these %$#holes in our lives but I know that it is still so painful. Good luck and I pray that you will find strength and peace. Don't forget to lean on your friends and family...that's what is really helping me!!! Cheryl
ReplyDeleteThank you Cheryl. I'm sorry we share a kinship in this horrible journey. Praying for you as well.
ReplyDeleteHi, 25 year great marriage and then finding a love letter from my wife to her new best friend -a woman....It instantly broke my heart in a very physical way that almost dropped me on the spot. Months of insomnia, anxiety attacks in the morning, and then the heart attack 5 months in. 10 months later nearing the divorce being final. I'm better but still shattered, and feel scared and lost. Therapy from the beginning has helped, but I am still traumatized. Losing my home life with my daughter and losing the home itself has been horrible. I'm trudging through this with my daughter in mind, and praying for healing.
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