Impending divorce is the gift that keeps on giving. So many uncomfortable awkwardly painful things all wrapped up in a nice little package with a shitty bow. Tonight my dear children had a school concert. Aw, you say, how sweet must that be. Well, sweet is the last thing on my mind as I walk into the school beside my husband.
'Hello, how are you? You remember my husband, the cheater, don't you?' It's the white elephant in the room. You know nobody else knows the dirty little secret but you feel like everybody is looking at you anyways. Good times, good times.
The concert was achingly adorable even if I did keep pushing my chair farther and farther away from my husband's. The kids were terrific and yet I kept thinking, I wonder what it feels like to be the biggest piece of shit in the room? What's that like? Does he even feel like a piece of shit?
And then you start to look around the room. It's a small town so you know who's divorced or separated. Is that break-up because of a cheater? Was it the husband or wife? I have my guesses in most cases but no proof, just the 'who looks more like the piece of shit in that relationship' factor.
After the concert, my husband invited himself over for supper. The kids thought it was perfectly fine to have Daddy come back to the house. Me, not so much. Really? I should extend my torture for the evening and partake in a meal with you. Well, yes, for the sake of the kids, I should. Yup, the gift that keeps on giving.
Once the lawyers do their thing and come up with a temporary arrangement, we will be having the 'boundaries' discussion. The discussion that starts with 'You don't live here anymore so don't act like you do. This is the home that you threw away.' Another lovely present with a shitty bow that I'll have the pleasure to unwrap.
Hi. I came here from your comment on HP. I know exactly what you're going through having suffered the identical fate 3 years ago. (My kids at that time were son 6, daughter 8). The realization that I came to eventually was this: none of it was my fault. If life was so miserable with me, my spouse would have divorced me long before the cheating started. Funny how the marriage only becomes untenable for them when the 3rd party comes along!? I am not perfect. But there was NO problem in the marriage that could not have been worked out. Once the cheating starts and the spouse's head is loved up, there is no chance of anything being worked out. I tried for 18 months to keep things together, living with the torture of the affair, hoping it would blow over, each day experiencing the sheer terror of having to tell the children and the effect this would have on them. To no avail. Everything you have written here is a mirror of my feelings and experience. It was very painful for me to read. And I am so sorry and very sad for you and your kids. I hope that peace and acceptance come to you sooner rather than later. It took me long enough. Nope, I lie. I'm not quite there yet, to be honest. Btw, I was the husband - it was my wife who cheated.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. I might sound like a man-hater (a little jaded here) but I do know that women make horrible decisions as well and I'm so sorry that your wife is a POS just like my husband. My heart aches for you and your children and I hope that you are all doing well.
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