A New Perspective On Winning

I went to a class today about children and parenting through divorce. Who knew the divorce process involved so many fun things? Forms, lawyers, court mandated classes. I'll be thanking my husband the next time I see him after he crawls out of whatever hole he's hidden himself in.

The class was full, 24 people filled with various levels of despair, rage and bitterness. There were a few cute guys there but it was hard to tell if they were in the cheater or betrayed cheering sections so I didn't give any of them my phone number with instructions to call me when they got their divorce decree.

One woman referred to her husband as the 'piece of shit' eighty-five times (yes, I counted). I felt a kinship with her, a certain bond but I didn't air any of my dirty laundry. My husband was actually scheduled to attend the same class but he never showed. He must have had visions of me doing show and tell with my cell pics of his extra-curricular activities. When the topic of child support came up, the woman with the POS husband said she just wanted her fair share. The guy next to her asked if this was the part of the class that said men will just hand over their wallets in the divorce. I waited for fisticuffs to ensue but unfortunately the instructors reined them in. Too bad, that would have been entertaining.

The class was actually excellent and I would have went even if I wasn't forced to....honestly. The class focused on putting the kids first (yup, I get that) and don't let them see the conflict because it will only hurt them (yup, I get that too). So to avoid any venom spouting rage aimed at my husband & his 'lady' friend(s), I will put my poison pen to the paper (enraged fingers to the keyboard) and let 'er rip.

I am competitive, I do not like to lose. So when my husband confessed his affair, I immediately mourned that I had lost a fight that I didn't even know I was competing in. 'She's stolen him, she wins,' would spin endlessly in my mind. In the beginning, I grappled with ways of how to change the tide in my favor.

I have a new perspective on the other woman winning and it has to do with the question of whether I hate my husband. Do I hate him? In my mind now I equate him to the pile of dog shit that I've stepped in. I'm annoyed by it, inconvenienced by it, disgusted by it and I want to scrape it off. But he's not worth my hate, not worth such a strong emotion, not worth my time.

Did the other woman win? When your prize is a piece of dog crap, it's not really winning (unless you have a dog crap collection and he's your finest specimen). It's actually losing. She's losing because she's going to be saddled with a shitty guy who did some really bad stuff. He's a crappy guy and there's no changing that. He's not going to turn wonderful when she has him. When you're shitty, there's no changing your spots. You're shitty to the core.

I am the winner here because I get him (mostly) out of my life. When I think of the other woman curled up with her prize, I'm going to think of her with a big pile of poop next to her. And I'm going to laugh and be happy that pile of crap isn't stinking up my life anymore.

I'm off to read my 56-page manual about how to find a way to wipe the dog shit off my shoe without hurting my kids.