Prince Charming

Do I believe there is only one Prince Charming for every heroine in the world? No, I think there are likely several people that you can be happy and content with. I just happened to find my starter husband first, the warm up act. When I'm ready, I believe there is a man who will make me smile and feel cherished and treasured. And I'll have something to test that feeling against by what I've experienced in this relationship recently. The feeling of being alone even though someone is sitting right next to you on the couch or in the car. The feeling that it's too much trouble to tell him about your day because you know he won't really be listening anyway or somehow it will be turned around so it ends up being about how hard his day was. The feeling that something is off but you really don't know what it is. A growing unease about your life and preparing yourself for something when you don't know what that something is. Lying in bed at night alone because he's late again and starting to cry for no reason other than knowing something is really not right in your marriage but you have no idea why.

Since my husband has moved out, I've been lonely but it's also a taste of freedom. Living with someone who doesn't want to be there is exhausting work. You carry the majority of the load but you don't even know you're doing it. You just keep trudging through day to day, living with the stranger that you used to be so close to.

Yes, I'm lonely now but I also feel lighter. It's amazing the liberation that comes when the person who doesn't want to be there isn't there anymore. No more awkward silences or watching him, trying to figure out what's going on. There's just me here now and I'm in charge of my happiness and my life.

The next time I find my Prince Charming I'm going to be wiser and trust the feelings that I have instead of shoving them aside and convincing myself that everything is okay. I believe I will one day have that man who wants to hear about my day and never makes me feel alone even though he's sitting right there next to me. I have hope for the future that he's out there and when I'm ready he will find me. And yes, I said 'he will find me' because I'm confident in my value now and I know that I'm worth looking for.