Happy Birthday F*cker

Today is my husband's birthday. He showed up at the hospital while I was visiting his mother. Yup, life is grand. 'Happy birthday Fucker,' I said. (Okay, I left off the word Fucker but I did think it.) Commence an hour of awkwardness until I had to leave. 

Tonight I was thinking about cleaning the pics off my phone of his extra curricular activities. They are hogging up the memory and I would rather have photos of my kids' smiling faces instead of ones of my husband's penis in my kitchen. One of the pics was a screenshot of a online chat he had with his girlfriend. I had never looked at it very closely. Tonight I read it and they both closed with 'I love you'. Mind you this conversation was conducted on the computer in MY KIDS' PLAYROOM. And it happened in the evening when the kids and I were DOWNSTAIRS. My mind is blown with the sordidness of this whole situation. I want to inflict some pain now. Wouldn't it be fun to unleash my crazy on his birthday? WOULDN'T IT?? Imagine me screaming this in what my sister would call my crazy voice. But <sigh> I'm too practical. I wish I would let the crazy outweigh my good side sometime. Seems like that would be tons more fun than eating the shit sandwich over and over. 

My mom is planning on visiting my mother in law tomorrow. I hope the hell she doesn't run into my husband there. That we have to be even considering this in the whole horrible cancer situation makes me so fucking angry that the crazy wells up higher. To make myself feel better I imagine my little 5' tall mother seeing him in the hallway at the hospital. She would let out a Comache yell and run down the hall, tackling him right in front of the nurse's station. My father would hold him down while my mom pummeled him repeatedly with her size 5.5 shoe. 

Do I think my mom would actually do that? Of course not. She would look at him and say hi coldly and then walk away and she would feel like she just dealt him a mortal blow. My mom is a borderline saint and I can never see her being able to spout rage at anyone even if she feels they deserve it. 

I hope my mother in law makes a speedy recovery. Both for her benefit and my own mental health. If I have to keep running into my husband, my level of crazy is going to skyrocket. Yes I could just not visit her but I don't think that's the right thing to do. She's the beloved grandmother of my children and I want to help her pass the endless hours that she has to face in the hospital. 

*As I'm writing this post my six year old comes downstairs and lays on top of me and puts his arms around me. He said, 'I love you. You're the best mommy. I would never want any other mommy. You're so sweet and kind.' 

I swear to God those were his words. How does he know that I'm struggling when I'm just laying there on the couch? He has more empathy in his little finger than my husband has in his whole body. My son may have been angling for five more minutes of TV time but I'm still sticking with the fact that he's a sweetheart. 

Okay, my crazy has dissipated. I love my kids.