Why I don’t move away and become a hermit with my children in the wilds of Alaska, I have no idea. I was speaking to my boss about my situation and my anger over it. She knows that my husband had a long term affair, she doesn't know any other details. She said ‘Yes, he’s made some bad decisions. But you weren’t happy, he wasn’t happy. Don’t you think it’s for the best?’
Hmm, let me mull that ridiculously fucking stupid comment over for a microsecond. No, I can’t say that I share that same philosophy. I’m surprised I didn’t immediately jump on her back like a wild monkey and start pulling her hair out, chattering obscenities. But then I would have ended up fired and likely with an assault charge so instead I calmly said, “I disagree.”
Bad decisions are when you choose the wrong soup at lunch or wear the bra that makes you uncomfortable all day. Having an affair and pathologically lying for a year and a half are not bad decisions. That’s either someone with a personality disorder or an asshole. (Likely both.) I am astounded over how many people feel the need to excuse cheating. What is it about cheating that makes people want to write it off and say ‘eh, it’s not so bad, get over it.’
Imagine your spouse coming home one night and saying he's been having an affair for eighteen fucking months and wants a divorce. Eighteen months that he's been developing this wonderful new relationship while his children and wife go about their normal lives. Imagine in the space of a few weeks having to rethink your whole life - past, present and future. And rethink the lives of your children. Reevaluate every single thing. Will you have to sell your house? Move your kids? How can your husband just walk away from your life together? What, you can't imagine your spouse ever doing that to you? Well, neither could I so give me some time to fucking digest it.
*Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment for the continuing saga of the kidney stone. If they don't operate, I am prepared to take matters into my own hands and find the sharpest knife I have. It couldn't hurt any more than what I've already been through.
18 months here too, but he would only cop to 5 months. Almost two years since divorce and three since discovery, I am still dumbfounded by the betrayal.
ReplyDeleteBut mostly dumbfounded by those who say "Move on!" "He's moved on, so should you!" "He's happy now!"
I stopped talking to the ones who insist that "It's not bad, just different!"
Morons.
I would have done more than stopped talking to the ones that said, 'It's not bad, just different.' They deserve a pop in the nose. Unbelievably stupid!
DeleteDumbfounded by the betrayal is exactly how I feel!
We look to other people for sympathy and understanding and we forget that their lives are often more different than they are the same as ours. No one else has lived your life. No one else is in your head or your heart. They don't speak your truth.
ReplyDeleteNo one gets to diminish how I feel unless I let them. Your boss, your angry spouse...let them spout their bulls###. In the end it only matters what you think and feel. You hurt. You are angry. You are bewildered. You are funny. You are compassionate. You are strong. You are eloquent. Be there. Do that. Own it all. No apologies.
Thanks these are some good words to hear. I won't make any apologies. I'm living this life, not them.
DeletePeople are stupid. I too hate the 'folksy wisdom' of idiots. Like anon said above most folks who have not lived this hell don't know what it's like.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, OMG I loved "I’m surprised I didn’t immediately jump on her back like a wild monkey and start pulling her hair out, chattering obscenities."
Best line I've read all day! Thanks for the mental image since I too have had to hold myself back from the morons.
I love monkeys. I really wish I could act like one sometimes. :')
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