Buh Bye Stone

Yesterday was my much awaited surgery for the kidney stone. Once again fate and small town community provided some entertainment. We had heard that my uncle's son's wife was having surgery on the same day as I was. Would we run into these distant relatives? Would we see the black sheep of the family - the woman's son? A not-blood cousin that I used to think was cute growing up but he's had a few run-ins with the law in the past twenty years. 

My mom spied him first in the lobby when we were checking in. She poked me and said, 'There he is.' 'No way!' I said, 'he's gained so much weight.' Then I was called in to pre-op and the moment was over. They prepped me for the surgery and my mom and I were talking about this black sheep of the family and how coincidental it was to see him there. At one point I had to get up to go to the bathroom and I leave my curtained room, struggling to keep my gown closed so my ass wasn't on display and hold on to my IV fluid bag with the other hand. I was distracted as I was walking down the hall just focused on getting to the bathroom without ripping the IV out. I conducted my business and made the trek back to my curtain, once again reaching behind me to futilely hold my gown closed in the back (why the hell can't they have velcro) and holding on to my IV. I got to the room just before mine and I heard, 'Hey!' I look and there's a whole room of my distant relatives sitting there watching me juggle my IV and flapping gown. The black sheep looks at me and I said, 'I hope my gown was closed.' He said, 'I've  seen a whole new side of you.' Everyone laughs and I crawl back to my room visualizing my cottage cheese ass on display as my gown waved to and fro. A few minutes later the black sheep came into my room and chatted with my mom and I. I didn't ask if he really saw the full moon when I walked by. I really DO NOT want to know. 

When the nurse rolled me into the operating room this time, they hadn't given me any 'relaxing bug juice' yet. They asked me to move from one bed to another and I said, 'I don't remember having to do this last time. Must be I was unconscious and someone picked me up and moved me.' No, they said, the bug juice makes you forget but you're awake. Uh, what? Yup, they said, you just can't remember anything but you're awake until they give you the general anesthesia. 'I'm going through a divorce, I'd like to live my whole life like that. Can I take some home with me?' They laughed and said unfortunately not. My last thought is OMG, what do I say when I'm under the influence of the drug? Do I spill all my sordid secrets? Do I regale them with stories of my cheating husband before I'm knocked unconscious? Once again, I DO NOT want to know. 

The kidney stone was lasered by the doctor and the pieces successfully retrieved. The aftermath is almost as painful as me still housing the stone. Yowzers, that hurts, pain killers are my friend. Tomorrow is bound to be a better day.